Cheating Well

During this time of busyness, I know I have probably let my friends and family down by not being as available as I would like to be (hard to swallow for a people pleaser, like me).  But something I've learned is that sometimes we have to CHEAT WELL to get by in life, especially when it means putting the Lord first and our marriages/spouses second.  

We've been taught from when we were a child that cheating is wrong.  One of our pastors taught used a passage from Hebrews to teach us a new way to cheat ... way to CHEAT WELL ... a way that just might make a difference in our relationships and marriages.  

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, 

let us throw off everything that hinders 

and the sin that easily entangles, and let us run

 with perseverance the race marked out for us.  

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, 

who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, 

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Hebrews 12:1-2 

Most of us know that sinning is wrong and will lead to bondage in our life, but look at what comes before that: "everything that hinders."  Some translations say "weights" or things that get in the way of our relationships.  

The world we live in today is a fast paced; we have e-mail, Facebook, smart phones, DVR, bluetooth, DVR, twitter, kindle, and more channels on our TV than we know what to do with.  We are constantly bombarded with decisions and technology that we can barely keep up!  This can rob us from depth in our lives and our relationships.  

During my season of change and busyness, I had "learn how to cheat well," as one of our pastors taught.  This is a hard lesson for a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser!  I had to pick the non-negotiables in my life: (1) my relationship with the Lord, (2) my husband, and (3) my health.  If I had time for other things after that, than great, but these top priorities had to come first.  

So, I became a cheater.  

Here are some things I am learning to "cheat well": 

• E-mail 
• Facebook 
• Dishes
• Cleaning our home 
• Writing blogs 
• Reading blogs 
• Having everything organized (please don't look in my closets)  
• Hanging out with all of my friends 
• Sending cards for birthdays and anniversaries 

I could see my life spiraling out of control, and I knew that some things had to take a back seat for a while if I wanted my marriage to thrive.  I am thankful for a husband who understands when our home isn't spotless at all times.  I am thankful he understands if I need to take a nap instead of do the dishes right away.  It took longer than I would have liked to get our new home put together, but our marriage survived the turmoil that it takes when going through so much change.  

A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, 

but the simple keep going and suffer for it.  

Proverbs 22:3

What's more important putting a box away today or working on my marriage so that it will last a lifetime?

What are some areas that you can learn to cheat, so that your relationships can thrive? 

Lady of Luxury

In my last blog post, I told you about one of the many lessons I learned from my time of unemployment.  I believe this is just one of the many way the Lord used this time to mold me and my heart during this time.  

It's AMAZING to see how the Lord CHANGES hearts!  

My last job was very stressful: physically, mentally, emotionally.  I persevered for four years, putting my heart and soul into it; working on my attitude and trying to "make it work."  Was I blameless in every situation?  Of course not.  But I can tell you that with the Lord's help, I really grew in having a positive attitude at work and not basing it on the daily circumstances.  I learned that I am called to work for the Lord and not for the fallible humans around me.  

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, 

as working for the Lord, not for men, 

since you know that you will receive an inheritance 

from the Lord as a reward.  

It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  

Colossians 3:23-24

I can't tell you how many times I had to say this verse over and over in my head to make it through a day.  Even so, this work environment was toxic.  It was affecting my health and my marriage.  I was to the point of a nervous breakdown!!  I had been looking for jobs in my bits of spare time, but couldn't find anything!  

I asked my husband...okay told him that I wanted to quit my job.  I would work at Starbucks, if I had to.  That did NOT go over well.  The expectation was that I would find a full time job at a comparable pay rate before leaving my current position.  I had brought up quitting before, but I was really at a breaking point this time!  After some discussions, arguments, and talks with our community group we started talking about how long I could hold out while seriously taking some time to look for a job.  I just didn't know how I could be a wife, work this job, and look for a job.  After all, I already knew I was doing a terrible job at being a wife at the moment.  

The Lord had other plans.  Just a couples days later, I was terminated.  

It was like the Lord said, "Your time here is done, Lauren."  A closed door.  There were no more discussions or hard decisions to make.  There was no more wondering if quitting was the right or wrong thing to do.  He made the decision for me.  Although, it wasn't the way I would have necessarily chosen to do things ... it was done and out of my control.  

It took a couple of weeks to process through the initial shock and emotional turmoil, but I started attending Watermark's Careers in Motion and began looking for jobs.  I took the time to rest, to spend time with the Lord, to serve my husband, and to work on my marriage.

After a couple of months, Dave started saying that he didn't want me to go back to work.  Huh?  I was totally confused!  Apparently, he noticed how much better my stress levels were, how much better we were able to connect in the evenings; how much better our marriage was without this toxic job.  Not that everything was the job's fault ... we have plenty of other issues to work on.  I was able to go grocery shopping, cook, and keep up the home more, which allowed us to spend more quality time together.  I was able to focus on the areas I needed to change to make our marriage stronger.  I was able to be a better wife!  Would he have ever had this observation or thought if the Lord didn't strip that job from us?  

How amazing is it to see how far his heart had changed from just a few months earlier!!!  

Well, now we had another decision to make.  During this time, I began to pray that I would serve the Lord with my time...and my marriage comes second after the Lord.  So, what should I do about work?  I'm not a mother yet, so should I be a stay-at-home wife?  What does that mean?  A Housewife of Dallas?  A Lady of Luxury as my friend Nina says?  :-)  I do enjoy contributing to our family, but I also want to be sure I am not finding my identity in my job (very easy for me to do).  

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

I really had to work through this and search my heart to be sure what my reasons were for going back to work.  It is easy for me to find my identity in my work, instead of in the Lord. My pride didn't want to "just work part-time" or be a "stay at home wife."  My pride didn't want others to think I couldn't "handle" a full time job and all my other responsibilities.  After all, aren't we supposed to be super women, who balance work, husbands, church, volunteering, friends, family, etc.??  I was afraid it would look like I had ... FAILED.  Deep down, I knew these were all lies from the enemy, even though it is hard not to believe them.  I kept praying that I could serve the Lord with my time, whatever that meant--work or no work.  

Well, again the Lord answers prayers and changes hearts.  

Earlier in my search, I applied for a job where they had both a full time and a part time position available.  I originally applied for the full time position.  After much discussion, I changed my application to the part time position and figured I would see how much time it would entail.  I faithfully prayed during this time.  When I interviewed, Dave and I both felt it was the perfect fit and answer to prayer.  Not only did they offer me the position, but they told me that I was their top candidate, and wanted to let me know that I could have the full time position if I wanted it.  Let me tell you ... it was really tempting to jump back into a full time position to satisfy my pride.  But, I knew it wouldn't be the best option for my relationship with the Lord and for my marriage...and those two things MUST come first!!  

The Lord is faithful to all his promises

and loving toward all he has made.

The Lord upholds all those who fall

and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you, 

and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand 

and satisfy the desires of every living thing

Psalm 145:13-16

I feel like a Lady of Luxury!!  

Probably not in the way the world would think.  I have a gracious Lord and Savior that is faithful and meets all of my needs!  I am able to put my marriage first (after the Lord) and serve my husband, while also being able able to work and contribute to my family.  Although this has been a challenging transition, it has been an amazing time of growth and heart change!  

The Big Tres-Tres!

Today, March 28th, is Dave's 33rd Birthday!  What I like to call the "tres-tres"!  For those of you that don't speak Spanish, that is "three-three" ... and for those of you that do speak Spanish, it is grammatically incorrect Spanish.  We had such a wonderful weekend celebrating the birth of this wonderful husband of mine!  I am truly blessed to have him in my life!!   


We started off the weekend with a date night at the Dallas Petroleum Club overlooking the city of Dallas at sunset ... one of my favorite views!!  I forgot the candles I was going to secretly give to the waiter (of course), but thankfully they were prepared.  Jose saved the day!!  The pianist even played "Happy Birthday" on the piano and sang to Dave.  I think I enjoyed it more than he did!  


We spent Saturday cooking and finishing up some last minute cleaning to get ready for our families to come over to our apartment for some laid-back birthday fun.  I love entertaining, but we are on a budget, so here are some little decorations I made for the party.  

Thanks to my mom for helping me with the brisket recipe (I think I only called her like 5 times) ... we had a wonderful dinner!!  Of course, no birthday party is complete with out a cake.  I am still singing the song in my head!  "Ice cream and cake ... Do the ice cream and cake!"  And yes, we did do the ice cream and cake ... a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake!  Yummy!!

Let me tell you about some of my favorite things about my husband, Dave!  These are often things that I take for granted all too often.  He is a Christian man that follows after the Lord and strives to provide for our family.  I can't tell you how thankful I am to have a husband that will take aside a Wednesday night to join me at ReEngage to strengthen our marriage.  A husband who wakes up (and wakes me up) every morning to pray with me.  A man that started saving and investing money for our future, future children, and retirement before he even met me!  AMAZING!!

And then there is Dave's sense of humor.  I know I have mentioned this before, and it probably sounds insignificant.  For us, we can just connect through being ourselves and acting silly together.  


For example this week, we had a "Candy Connection."  We spent three evenings in a row talking about our favorite and least favorite candies/candy bars.  We had to rate our Top Five and Bottom Five.  We laid in bed and tried to name all of the candies we could come up with.  You wouldn't believe how many types of candy there are in world!!  No wonder we have an obesity problem!  Another night we did an internet search together!  We were shocked with what some of these searches came up with ... they don't know what they are talking about!  Have they even tasted these candies??  For the whole week, I kept thinking about Dave every time I passed a candy aisle or when I would checkout at the store.  I was trying to think of more candy to continue our conversation!  Silly, I know, but somehow it drew us together!  We just had fun with it!


What is your "Candy Connection" with your spouse?

RAM-BLOG

Today (March, 20th) is Rambo's adoption birthday!  We are celebrating 7 years together as dog-mommy and son.  I can't believe how the years have flown by.  You will probably laugh at this, but I guess Rambo actually has 2 adoption birthdays, because he was also officially adopted by Dave.  Yes, at our rehearsal dinner, I presented Dave with OFFICIAL adoption papers for Rambo.  After all, Rambo had to become a "McDonough."

So, to honor Rambo's 7 years with me, here are 7 reasons why I love this doggie!


1.  Rambo protects our family.

2.  Rambo obeys the law!

3.  Rambo loves the U.S.A!

4.  Rambo does tricks.

5.  Rambo loves to watch football!  

6.  Rambo is a family man/dog ... always wanting to contribute!

7.  Rambo knows when it is time to rest.  He loves to take naps & snuggle!

Rambo is also very insightful (oh no, that's 8 reasons ... really, I could go on-and-on).  He wanted me to leave you with his favorite Bible verse: 

"As a dog returns to its vomit,

so a fool repeats his folly." 

Proverbs 26:11

True Love

My husband and I recently started this program called ReEngage at our church.  We aren't headed for divorce or anything, but we definitely see some patterns in our marriage that aren't healthy.  We both desire to have a marriage that mirrors what Christ has designed for us and want to move toward this "oneness."  We just aren't sure how to do that.  We know we need to peel back the layers of the "baggage" we have brought into the relationship and learn healthy ways to communicate.  We want to build a stronger foundation before we bring innocent little ones into the picture.   

ReEngage @ Watermark Community Church

The first lesson has already convicted me, as we are learning the difference between human love and God's unconditional love.  The Lord loves unconditionally, which is so hard to even fathom!  His love is perfect, full of grace and mercy, forgiving, trustworthy, and without fear.  Once we are children of God, there is NOTHING that can separate us from his love.  

"God is love.  

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.  

In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have 

confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him.  

There is no fear in love.  

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  

The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  

We love because he first loved us."  

1 John 4:16-19

This kind of love is so different from "human love."  How quickly does our love turn conditional if our spouse or friend not live up to our expectations?  We hold back or build up a wall because we don't want to get hurt again.  


If we claim to be a follower of Jesus, we should be living out our faith according to his example, especially to our spouses.  It doesn't matter if we "feel" like doing it or if they are reciprocating, we are called to love out of obedience!  

"This is how God showed his love among us: 

not that we loved God, but that he loved us 

and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  

Dear friends, since God so loved us, 

we also ought to love one another."  

1 John 4:10-11

I fail over and over again in this area of unconditional love.  How often have I kept a mental list of list of past hurts from my husband, in case I need to use it again.  Is that true forgiveness?  Or I have kept a mental score card of the household chores that HE can never keep up with (sound familiar ladies?).  I have kept this internal arsenal, just in case I need to "protect" myself in the midst of an argument.  I hold back expressing my love to my spouse because my feelings are hurt.  This all boils down to one thing--selfishness.  That ugly word that we don't like to admit, but that's the truth, and Christ's love definitely doesn't work this way! 


The following passage, comes from the "Love Chapter" of 1 Corinthians 13.  It is one of the most famous verses read at marriage ceremonies.  I believe we often look past the beautiful words and forget about living this out with our spouses.  How different would our marriages look, if we took these words to heart?  

"Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, 

it keeps no record of wrongs.  

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  

It always protects, always trusts, 

always hopes, always perseveres.  

Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Jesus came to this earth to love others and to be a servant; he expected nothing in return.  This is the same view we should have in our marriages.  I know this is hard, but as we live out what the Lord calls us, we are going to see changes in our marriages.  Remember, you can only change one person in the relationship--yourself!  See what amazing things can happen if you start to love your spouse like Jesus loves you!

From my Dave! Yes, I save them ALL!  

The McLovin's WOW Date Night

Our church, Watermark Community Church, encouraged married couples to take a Saturday night out for a "Date Night Done Right."  In the busyness of life, it is so easy to forget why we fell in love and forget the joy that was designed for marriage.  We were instructed to go to the church parking lot, pick up our Date Night Kits, and simply spend an evening dating each other.  Instructions would be provided to help have a WOW date!  

Picking up our kits ... WOW!

Todd Wagner, our senior pastor, reminds us that we are either moving TOWARD oneness or AWAY from oneness in our marriage.  This point is important in every decision that we make in our lives once we make that covenant at the alter.  Often, we are moving away from one another because of selfishness.   We struggle to serve our spouse first, just as we struggle to put Christ first.  I know this is a daily battle in my life!  My husband becomes the enemy, as I fight for my own selfish desires.  This date night was a fun reminder for me of why I fell in love with my husband and a great step toward oneness in our marriage.  

"So they are no longer two, but one.  

Therefore what God has joined together, 

let man not separate."

Matthew 19:6

"What causes fights and quarrels among you?  

Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?"

James 4:1

The Date Night Kits were full of goodies, including a question/conversation guide, coupons, and candy.  Yes, it was all free, and who doesn't love free stuff?  Along with the guide, we had a challenge to total up how many times we could use the word "wow" throughout the night.  Well, we like to take things to the next level, so we used some creativity and created a pictorial diary of our night, with some "WOW" pictures!

WOW!!  Great stuff .. thanks Watermark!!

We headed south on I-75 and hit some traffic, but that's okay because we had our cute picture on the dash and our conversation guide in hand!  

WOW!  Now that's a cute couple!

It was a tough decision between Village Burger Bar and Patrizio's because we have great memories at both places.  In fact, I almost burned down Village Burger Bar with a straw wrapper and a votive candle.  You may wonder how this could possibly happen, but then again, you are dealing with the McDonoughs.  We chose to play it safe and eat at Patrizio's.  

Wow-wow-wee-wow ... that was delicious!

I think we overused our "wows" at dinner!  We couldn't even keep track, it was so ridiculous!  Our waiter, John, was a good sport and helped us out.  We are hoping for some points for creativity!  I'm thankful for a husband that plays along!  

Check please!  Wow, he did a great job! 

Next, we were off  for some dessert.  Ice cream is my love language, so Marble Slab was an easy choice!

WOW!  That's a lot of calories!  

After a night full of great conversation and laughter, we headed home.  But we were having so much fun, we didn't want the night to end!  We wanted more WOW!!  

Wow!  Candy!  Yummm!

Even Rambo wanted to participate!  

WOWF!!  

This was a date night that we will always remember!  It was a step TOWARD oneness for our marriage.  A night of fun and laughter.  A night of working as a team to come up with silly ideas to creatively WOW people with our pictures! 

WOW!  Gotta keep date nights alive in marriage!

Here are some of the conversation starters/questions from the kit, in case you need some ideas for your own WOW date: 

• When we were dating, I tried to get you to say 'Wow' by ... 
• When we dated, the thing about you that made me say 'Wow' was ...   
• Something funny that only you know about me or that I only know about you is ...
• Something I don't say "thank you" for nearly enough is ...
• What about this restaurant makes you say, 'Wow'?
• What's the hardest we have ever laughed in our marriage/relationship?
• Your favorite way to waste time with your spouse.
• An embarrassing moment in my life that I have never shared with you was when I ...
• For Parents: The thing about you as a parent that makes me say, 'Wow!' is the way you ...
• I understand more about Jesus because of the way you ... 
• I am more like Christ today because of the way you ... 
• Share a passage of scripture you read recently and why it was encouraging or challenging to you.
• Something new you learned about your spouse ... 
• The most encouraging thing you said to me tonight ... 

We ended this WOW date night with a kiss, as instructed, only a little different than most!  :-)  It took us several tries to get this picture just right ... and we enjoyed every bit of it!  

WOW ... we had fun making this picture!  

And since this date was designed for married folks, you know where the evening went from here ... NIGHT!  ;-)

No caption needed!  WOW!  

Rambo-nanza...the beginning

Well, I've told you about the love of  my life, David, but I had a first love (besides Jesus).  I want to introduce you to my furry, four-legged friend, Rambo.  Graduate school was one of darkest and loneliest times of my life, and I thought I needed a companion.  Yes, I had things a little backwards at the time.  Literally.  G-O-D spelled backwards is D-O-G.  Okay, bad joke.  I searched for a puppy.  I found Rambo on Petfinder.com (yes, you can find true love on the internet).... a precious little jack russell, rat terrier mix puppy.  How could you turn away from this sweet face?

Rambo's Picture on Petfinder.com

I went for a visit and it was love at first sniff ... or lick in Rambo's case.  He can't control his licker, as we like to say.  I signed the adoption papers and took him home with me!

Kisses from Rambo

Adoption Day: March 20, 2004

One problem.  His adoptive name was "Twinkie."  I couldn't live with having a male dog with the name "Twinkie."  I mean seriously???  Thankfully, he didn't respond to that name yet!  Therefore, I decided to overcompensate and give him a hyper-masculine name--RAMBO.  Perfect.  Especially, since he was full of energy.  So, he became my Rambunctious Rambo.


He has been the best addition to my life!  It is wonderful to have someone (okay, something) to come home to that is always happy to see you.  His tail never, and I mean NEVER, stops wagging!  We have been inseparable ever since (he is napping right next to me at the moment)!  Rambo loves to cuddle and is always there when I have a bad day!  He is the most loving creature I've ever met.  He greets everyone with kisses, and all he asks for is a little belly rub.  He is smart, playful, and thinks he's human (is that a bad thing?).  He couldn't hurt a fly.  You can yell at him, and probably hurt him, and he would come right back to you with unconditional love.  

Sleeping like a human, after I've gotten up for the day.

Dogs are special animals.  How often do we show them attention when we want something in return, such as when we've had a bad day.  But as soon as we get busy, we don't give them a second thought.  We can forget to feed them, and they don't get mad!  Regardless, every day, when we come home, there they are with the same response ... a wagging tail, just happy to see us home.  


This reminds me of our often fickle relationships with Jesus.  Everyday, He offers us a free gift of unconditional love and a relationship with him.  He wants to communicate with us daily.  But how often do we ignore Christ?  Either our lives seem to be going well, or maybe we are just too busy.  We don't think we NEED Him, until something happens.  Then, we remember that He is there.  Sometimes by that point, we are angry at Him because we didn't get what we want or life didn't work out the way we think it should have.  We hurl insults at him, ignore him, or blame him for the poor choices we made.  Is that really fair?  Thankfully, Jesus is going to remain faithful.  

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, 

slow to anger, abounding in love. "

Psalm 103:8 

That doesn't mean there won't be consequences for our behavior, but He will be right by our side loving us along the way while we pick up the pieces.  Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "he will never leave you nor forsake you."  The Lord will meet us where we are with unconditional love, but he wants more.  He wants a DAILY relationship with us.  He wants to communicate with us daily and wants us to live out our faith each day.  This is the challenge Jesus gave his disciples: 

"Then he said to them all; 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.'" 

Luke 9:23-24

He challenges us to love others like He loved us!  This is where we will truly find life and joy in our lives, when we make the most of our relationship with the Lord.  Perhaps we should think about how we treat this most important relationship.  How much attention do you give your relationship with Jesus?  

Rambo-nana

And don't worry ... there will be many more Rambo stories to come in future blogs!     ;-) 

The McLovins

Now that you know why I decided to start a blog, I want to tell you a little bit more about myself and my family.  Our identity tends to be intertwined with how we grew up: our families of origin, where we grew up, our education, our beliefs, life circumstances, and the choices we make along the way.  


I can't tell you how thankful I am that I was raised in a Christian home with loving parents.  I have a brother, Austin, who I have always looked up to.  There are no perfect parents, but they certainly did their best!  My dad was in the military, so we moved around quite a bit and finally settled in Dallas, Texas when I was in middle school.  After graduating high school, I went to Baylor University and completed both an undergraduate and graduate degree in Exercise Physiology.  I moved back to Dallas, Texas and started a career in Cardiac Rehabilitation, working as an Exercise Physiologist.  Although faced with some hardships at work, I loved teaching my heart patients how to live healthier lives and watching them achieve their goals.  My life has been a characterized by a series of challenges, which the Lord has used to make me stronger, but we will get into those stories another day.  


In 2007, I met my best friend and the love of my life ... no, not Rambo (although, he is a close second).  My relationship with David, or Dave, began as a friendship and blossomed into love throughout the summer and fall.  What originally drew me to him was sense of humor.  Oh, the humor!  If laughter is the best medicine, then Dave is my drug of choice!!  This is where we "just get each other."  We are a mess; drama follows us where ever we go.  Below is a picture of the infamous Starbucks sign that will always hold a special place in our heart.  Since, we were already friends, Dave asked if we could go grab some coffee and talk.  While walking in, I banged my head on this sign.  I tried to play it cool, but I had blood dripping down (sorry if this is TMI) my head, and Dave didn't know what to do.  He said, "it looks like your head is having it's period."  I assured everyone that it was okay "because I didn't have any STDs."  Dave drove me back to my apartment; I held pressure on my head wound, suffering from dizziness and a massive headache.  This was his moment!  He asked me out on an official date.  I was in a moment of weakness!  ;-)  I said, "yes."  And this is how our relationship began.    

Our dating relationship was fun, exciting, and always full of laughter!  As we grew deeper into love, I was drawn to how Dave had the desire to grow closer to the Lord and to be a Christian leader for his future family.  Of course, he is quite handsome!  He always put me first, after his relationship with Christ.  We both wanted to keep our relationship pure until we were married, and he never kept me guessing on where our relationship was headed.  Dave proposed June 10, 2008, we were married on January 24, 2009.  It was a beautiful wedding, and I believe one of the best ceremonies and receptions ever!  But, then again, I could be biased!  

One of the first movies we saw together was Superbad (not very wholesome, I know).  If you have seen it, you may know of the character, "McLovin."  We quickly embraced the nickname from our friends the "McLovins."  Now, everything becomes Mc-something, we were "McMarried," and I recently became a "McBlogger" ... I think you get the idea. 

We recently celebrated our 2nd anniversary, and we will both agree that marriage definitely takes work.  It doesn't come easily.  It's not something that "just happens."  We are sinners: selfish, prideful people that want things done OUR way!  I can honestly say that I love David more today than the day I married him, and I have a deeper understanding of UNCONDITIONAL love.  Although I haven't read the book yet, I truly believe there is something in the question from the Sacred Marriage, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy"?  Through the ups and downs and challenges of marriage and life, I can say that I have grown to cling to the Lord and find my identity in Him.  

Two Roses for Two Years!  

As I started off this post, saying that so much of our identity comes from our families and life circumstances, we must go back to the truth: our TRUE identity is in CHRIST.  If we have accepted Christ, we are free from our past sins and hurts ... we are a new creation!  What an incredible gift!  

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, 

he is a new creation; the old has gone, 

the new has come! 

2 Corinthians 5:17